Wednesday, June 25, 2008

He'd probably kick an ass or two, that's what Gary Roberts would do

This picture was taken in 1984....It might be the last time Gary Roberts has ever smiled.

Ok, so we're still a little reeling from the fact the a 42 year old who would probably be a 3rd/4th liner has decided to leave the Pens. But it's just not anyone drafted in the same year as Patrick Roy and Mario Lemieux, it's Gary Roberts.

By the way, a sampling of the injuries Roberts has endured in his hockey career (see the link up top to read for yourself)....Broken thumb, whiplash, surgery to repair a severed blood vessel and save the quadriceps muscle, hematoma in left quadricep (severe charley horse), although Roberts broke the thumb in seven places, he missed only one game before playing in Calgary's March 26, 1994 , Missed Toronto's 2002 training camp and start of 2002-03 season while recovering from off-season shoulder surgeries to correct tendon impingement in both shoulders, severe nerve damage in his neck, the degeneration of discs in his neck and resulting bone spurs combined to limit space available to nerves in his spine, Doctors had said that a particularly hard hit could cause discs in Roberts' spinal cord to collapse, and that would leave him paralyzed, broken leg.

With all that said, we proudly present the following selections that come from the Facebook group "Gary Roberts facts". These are the top of the heap (some that we submitted!). If any accidental Chuck Norris facts slipped through, we apologize, but for the most part they're fresh. They're juvenile, silly and needless, but at a time like this they still bring a smile to our face....And hopefully yours...Apologies in advance if you are offended by profanity.

The fate of Harry Potter is the hands of Gary Roberts. Roberts hates books. Potter dies.

Gary Roberts counted to infinite-twice.

A single punch from Gary Roberts gave Bryan Murray that lisp.

Gary Roberts doesn't know what "scoring chances" are because the word chance indicates the possibility of failure. Gary Roberts finishes.

Directly translated from Latin the word "hospital" means a place for people who have pissed off Gary Roberts.

Gary Roberts once took Dorothy Mantooth out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER CALLED HER BACK!

On February 27th, 2007 the refrigeration system in Mellon Arena broke down. Instead of repairing the aging venue, the Penguins traded for Gary Roberts. Ever since then, the ice has been too scared to melt.

Neil Armstrong didn't travel to the moon, Gary Roberts traveled to the moon.

Gary Roberts goes grocery shopping at Lowe's.

Gary Roberts assists on his own goals.

Chunky Soup will be making commercials with Gary Roberts and his mother. The flavor is based on Gary's diarrhea.

Wayne Gretzkys recorded of 2857 points is a historical inaccuracy, because the NHL stopped keeping track of Gary Roberts' points after he broke 5 billion.

During the '94-95 season, Gary Roberts underwent surgery to remove bone spurs and repair nerve damage in his neck. At his request, the surgery was done without anesthesia.

Jason Spezza came home to find Gary Roberts sleeping with his wife. He then hid in the closet so that Gary Roberts did not see him.

Gary Roberts was born in a log cabin in North York, Ontario that he built with his own hands weeks in advance.

Gary Roberts once convinced a woman to suck his dick, while SHE was driving.

Gary Roberts once drank 64 beers on a cross-country flight.

Gary Roberts won the Stanley Cup with Calgary in 1989. The NHL briefly considered renaming it to the 'Gary Roberts Cup' but reconsidered after realizing that future winners would be too scared to touch it.

Gary Roberts once arrested a police man for giving him strange, suspicious looks.

Gary Roberts hockey stick is made out of human cadavers.

Somebody once tried to make a Gary Roberts cover band, but it is impossible. Nobody can cover Gary Roberts.

Gary Roberts beat Jesus in a game of 3-bar. With one shot.

Gary Roberts freed the slaves.

They tried to make a Clue version of Gary Roberts...but it was always the same answer.Gary Roberts...behind the net...with a fist.

Wilt Chamberlain fucked 10,000 women, unfortunately Gary Roberts fucked Wilt's mom.

Gary Roberts can believe it's not butter.

Wayne Gretzky had it wrong: 100% of the shots Gary Roberts doesn't take DO go in.

Gary Roberts doesn't take face-offs, he takes heads off!

Scientists got it wrong. It's not acid rain, Gary Roberts is taking a leak.

The story of Santa is loosely based on the life story of Gary Roberts. The difference is while Santa delivers presents once a year, Gary Roberts delivers pain, nightly.

Only Gary Roberts would be listed day-to-day with a broken leg.

Since 2001, people have been wondering, "who is the face behind Master Chief's helmet?" You would think the obvious answer is Gary Roberts, but you are sadly mistaken. Gary Roberts doesn't need armor to "finish his fights.

Gary Roberts messes with Texas.

Gary Roberts is the reason that Brian Engblom's hair looks like a dead rodent.

The Alamo remembers Gary Roberts.

World War I started when Gary Roberts checked Archduke Franz Ferdinand from behind.

Heath Ledger died from shock after watching a Gary Roberts career highlights video.

The Scorpions hit song was originally titled "Rock you like Gary Roberts" but censorship permitted anyone being rocked that hard.

Ever wonder what those cables hanging straight down from the ceiling of the arena are? Gary Roberts climbs each one after every practice.

Gary Roberts' jersey number, 10, represents the number of women he has impregnated who were previously considered barren.

Harry Truman is often criticized for dropping the atomic bomb on Japan, when it is obvious he could have gotten the Japanese to surrender merely by sending them a picture of Gary Roberts holding a plane ticket reading "To Tokyo".

Gary Roberts does not ask you "Can You Hear Me Now?" He knows you can hear him.

Gary Roberts plays as the farmer, WITHOUT A WAGON, and ALWAYS makes it to Oregon before you!

“Jeremiah was a Bullfrog” was originally called “Gary Roberts was a Bullfrog” but they later changed the name because Gary Roberts is not friends with anyone.

When Daniel Alfredsson found out Gary Roberts would be sitting out Game 3, his "injury" miraculously "healed" and he was ready to play.

Rt. 28 was closed again today due to a rockslide...Gary Roberts was rock climbing again. (You'll probably only get that if you're fimiliar with Pittsburgh)

Fiji water consists of 100% pure tears of Ottawa Senators fans. That's why it's the only thing Gary Roberts drinks.

In any given arena, there are 542,709 things Gary Roberts can use to kill you. But he usually just uses his fists.

Most players say they started playing hockey for the love of the game. Young Gary Roberts just thought it was cool to have blades on his feet.

There are no such things as tornadoes, Gary Roberts just really hates mobile homes.

Gary Roberts official goal totals are deceptively low because they do not include pucks he has frightened into the net.

While on the Maple Leafs Shayne Corson was caught sleeping with Alexander Mogilny's wife. This upset Gary Roberts and he decided to beat up Shayne Corson. Only Gary Roberts fucks his teammates wives, Shayne crossed the fucking line.

Wonder why no one has seen Kris Beech lately? Gary Roberts ate him.

O.J. didn't do it, Gary Roberts did...and he got away with it

Gary Roberts put the p in pneumonia.

Gary Roberts has asthma because most oxygen molecules are afraid to enter his lungs.

Today in Dallas, a parade was held on behalf of the Stars season. They were the true winners of the series against the Red Wings... They do not have to play Gary Roberts.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

that picture doesn't even look like Gary